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Author Topic: Marriage & Self
Mike Rule
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Marriage & Self

A fellow was recently sharing about the struggles in his marriage and it dawned on me how SIMILAR the struggles are between men and women at the ROOT level, but dissimilar in expression. Let me explain.

It seems that a common opinion amongst women is that a man has an insatiable lust for sex. He thinks about it day and night, and pursues it with his mate at every opportunity. At a behavioural level this is true, but it is not necessarily the Truth. As the fellow was talking to me I began to realize that women also have an insatiable lust exactly like a man does. But rather than being physical, it is relational. She lusts for communication the same way he does for sex. The difference is, her lust is more socially acceptable than his is.

What most everyone is missing is, both people are DESIRING the exact same thing, but often end up pursuing it in a way that is destructive to the relationship. Sex is not wrong in marriage, and communication & relationship is not wrong either. However, the ways BOTH genders pursue their respective desires can be unhealthy. Most often a man has an affair because he is frustrated sexually, and a woman does because she is frustrated relationally. He wants someone to be physical with so he can open up his heart, share his inner world, and communicate and relate. She wants someone to communicate and relate with, and as a result, she opens up physically.

The desire for intimacy is a legitimate desire for both people. But no one wins when we have our eyes on the needs of self at the expense of the other person. Dr. John Nash founded a mathematical principle that is based upon the governing dynamics. It basically states, when one person selfishly pursues his own interests at the expense of everyone else, it is rare that the one person ultimately gets what he wants, and everyone else looses. However, if we do what is best for self AND for everyone else, then everyone wins in the end. His theory can be explained and proven mathematically. In the 1960’s and 70’s this was such a revolutionary idea that it became the basis for most modern economic theory.

A way of explaining it is this. If a group of men all want the same woman who is in a group of women, only one may get her, if he is lucky. And the rest all are alone. But it is most likely that no one will end up with anyone because all her friends don’t want to be second choice, and she won’t be happy at the rejection of her friends. But if everyone chooses one for himself, and NO ONE chooses the most beautiful one, everyone wins.

It is a very practical and real explanation of how marriage SHOULD work., If each person does what is best for the marriage rather than the individual, everyone wins!

Posts: 605 | From: Cass City, Michigan USA | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Maris
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Member # 8

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Mike wrote:"He thinks about it day and night, and pursues it with his mate at every opportunity. At a behavioural level this is true, but it is not necessarily the Truth."

I don't agree with you that a man "pursues it with his mate at every opportunity". For me this is true only when I live in the flesh but when I walk in the Spirit and the Life of Christ is flowing out of me then I can bear the fruit of continence. This flows out naturally but yet it is supernatural.

[ September 10, 2008, 09:19 PM: Message edited by: Maris ]

Posts: 51 | From: Latvia | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator


 
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